How ever changing, ever deliberately unconscious, ever uncomfortable our moods become, it seems that standing in the wake of the ups and downs, lefts and rights of our swings are… strangers… colleagues… friends… and, of course, loved ones… who are battered by the blows. The process reminds me of the popular Spanish party game, the Piñata... we swing blindly, letting our mood move with our senses which we have allowed to be controlled by external stressors and circumstances… then with sudden quick movements we crack down hard on any target that we touch hoping for a great release. The only difference is… instead of sweet candy, we just get a broken target. And, when the blindfold comes off, and our mood relaxes, we realize that the target was just a passer by, and innocent soul, who took the brunt of our frustration, and is left with the sting of it.
I am reminded today of all the people in my life over the years, that may have felt the sting of my blind mood swing batters… and I am compelled to say... I am sorry. I am sorry that I did not take the time to see you... that I did not take the time to hear you... that I did not stop myself from swinging in your direction, and save you the sting of my words. I am sorry that in my selfish need to feel a release from the pressure that I allowed to control my mood, I did not take the time to reach out and feel the support of your love and know that you were there.
I know that some who read this will perhaps think that I am over reacting… well, doesn’t everybody swing from time to time… I mean it is only human. Yes, it’s true, we are, I am. But, it doesn’t really excuse me from the need to see it, to change it, to seek forgiveness for it. Sometimes the object of my swings has been myself…and those have often been the hardest blows. And so tonight, I am in a very grateful mood… thankful to God that He allows us to age, to grow… while it is often painful, the process of change can yield the wonder of wisdom and the beauty of insight, which together seem to create a powerfully positive impression on our life and the lives of those around us.
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3 comments:
Isn't it said that "grey hair is a crown of wisdom?" If so, why isn't your hair full of grey roots? Blonde? I think not. You are one of the most insightful, conscientious, selfless of persons I know. You are wise beyond years. Add the obvious that your ability to articulate in word and on paper the innermost senses of the human condition, and I can only come to the conclusion that I am very fortunate to have and call you friend.
Thank you for you kind words Mitch. By the way, clever[art] blogspot is now my new home page. Google who?
Great post Renee. I don't think I've ever receive a good whacking from you. Too bad! ;-) I know that I've certainly smacked a few in my life-time, either blindly or full on purpose. How about that?? Sometimes having kids can bring out the worst of the worst--and I have six!!! Oh sweet Jesus, help me.
Thanks for blogging.
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